feelings

I can barely do anything because of my anxiety and I'm dreading going into school tomorrow for P.A so much, I have to get a doctors appointment to talk about medication and get tests to check for long term damage and this is hell

When a Christian mentions Hell to me again, I'm going to ask them how they know this isn't the Hell the Bible speaks about and humanity is the Devil

I'm an atheist but whatever, I can ask them that because how do they know it isn't

I'm listening to Taylor Swift, all of her songs and I'm listening to Fearless and it just reminds me of summer, I used to listen to it everyday because it grasped how I felt perfectly and although the way I feel now, even though we broke up 5 months ago, it's horrific, but even though I feel like this, I would do it all again because I was so happy with him

I just didn't appreciate it

I better feel that way again and I'll do it so much better

2013

I wanted to start off 2013 different to 2012, and for this year to be positive.

It didn't work

On Sunday night I ended up in hospital after taking an overdose which i'm still recovering from and my anxiety is a million time's worse plus I jhave to go for more blood tests next week to check out long term damage
It's scary, how much I don't care and the excuses I use, I just wanted to sleep, I wasn't thinking, I didn't want to kill myself.. I did though, I didn't care in that brief few seconds it took me to find the co-codamol (it was a stupid mistake though I wouldn't repeat it)
I hate this, I hate this feeling and I hate the anxiety most of all, It's the most horrendous feeling ever, I'd never wish it on anyone

I'm trying to be positive, I told my ex to fuck off basically and I'm trying to move on with my life which is hard when i'm so vulnerable and suffering with all these silly depression things

I need tea